In Joy And Sorrow
by IthilielCuivienien
Summary: WARNING! HP 7 SPOILERS! A story about death and grief.


A short fic about the last Harry Potter book. Sarah mourns the death of her beloved.

A/N: I absolutely hate page 528... Severus Snape did not deserve to die! I cried so much when I read that...

Disclaimer: I own neither the quotes nor the world of Harry Potter (if I did, Severus would never have died!)

In Joy And Sorrow

_There's no cure for the pain  
No shelter from the rain  
All our prayers seem to fail  
_(HIM – In Joy and Sorrow)_  
_

I stood in the pouring rain, staring strait ahead. I didn't care that I got wet, I didn't even realise it, the pain in my heart was too great.

It was three weeks now, since Voldemort had been defeated. Two weeks since Severus had died. I had spent those three weeks in some kind of shock-induced numbness and then in all engulfing grief. The first week I had spent in St. Mungo's, recovering from the last battle, but the wounds in my heart and soul were far greater than any wound my body had taken.

---

I stared at the Dark Lord in shock. Harry dead? It couldn't be… but there was his body. It had to be true. However, the Order and the other defenders of the castle refused to surrender.

With a scream I threw myself into the battle, flinging hexes and curses left and right. Then a stunning curse hit me from behind and everything went black.

The next time I woke, I was in a bed in St. Mungo's.

"What… what happened?" I whispered.

"You were hit with several curses from behind," Minerva McGonagall said and stepped up to my bed. "We were all worried for you, but the healers said you'll be able to leave in a few days."

"So we won?" I asked he just to be sure.

"Yes, we won," she answered, but there was an underlying note of sadness. "But many paid dearly for that victory."

I remembered the bodies lying on the ground… so many dead. Then, sudden fear gripped my heart.

"Where is he? Minerva, where is Severus?"

The look on her face told me everything I needed to know. I turned my face away from her.

"Sarah, my dear… I am so sorry… he… he is dead."

I didn't say anything; I just stared at the wall.

_Now when you're gone, the warmth  
of the sun seems so far away  
_(Hammerfall – I Believe)

It hurt so much… I did not want to believe it. He couldn't be gone.

"He died as a hero," Minerva tried to console me, but it was no use.

I didn't care that he died a hero… dead is dead… the pain threatened to drown me. When I still hadn't said anything else after some time, Minerva quietly got up and left me to my grief. Silent tears were wetting my cheeks. I did not say another word in the week that I spent in the hospital.

_I walk alone through shapeless dreams  
my only home is the wasteland that I cross  
I close the door and turn the key  
those days of joy are barely memories  
Now when you're gone, your star will  
shine on, wont you shine for me  
_(Hammerfall – I believe)

On the last day, Harry Potter came by. He told me how Severus had died and that he was a hero; he tried to help me and said that Snape must be at peace now. I listened to him, but my heart did not lighten. The Boy Who Lived failed utterly in his attempt to shake me out of my season of sorrow.

_For us there is only one season, the season of sorrow. The very sun and moon seem taken from us. Outside, the day may be blue and gold, but the light that creeps down through the thickly-muffled glass of the small iron-barred window beneath which one sits is grey and niggard. It is always twilight in one's cell, as it is always twilight in one's heart.  
_(Oscar Wilde)

After I was released from St. Mungo's, all remaining Order members came to take me home. Home… this was no longer home to me. Everything seemed grey and lifeless since he was gone. I told them to leave me alone and assured them that I would be all right. I could no longer bear their concerned stares.

I spent the next two weeks in a dazed, dreamlike state, sinking deeper and deeper into despair. Sometime I though I saw him or heard his voice, but it were just phantoms of my memory that haunted me. I was alone.

_I saw your face in the morning sun  
oh, I thought you were there  
I heard your voice as the wind passed me by  
silently, whispering my name  
So many things that I wanted to say  
forever left untold  
_(Hammerfall – The Fallen One)

And now I am standing on the Hogwarts ground in the pouring rain. I do not seek shelter, for the weather matches my mood.

Your funeral. The funeral of my heart.

They laid you to rest next to Albus Dumbledore and gave you a magnificent white marble tomb. They thought that it would make the pain go away, if they erected you a monument. They are wrong.

The pain is stronger than ever. It seems even the angels in heaven are weeping for you, my love.

_How easy it is to let go  
Surrender to despair lurking at your door  
To lose your soul and all your feelings  
Strength all gone  
And so many things left unsaid  
And deeds undone  
You've stopped caring  
'Cause it's all in vain  
You are so alone  
And tired of breathing  
It's all going wrong  
And you just can't stand the pain  
_(HIM - Don't Close Your Heart)

One by one the others are leaving, paying their last respects. I alone remain behind in the rain. I cannot leave your side.

Without you, I am nothing. My soul and my heart have been buried with you. There is no light ahead of me, only darkness and pain. Slowly, I sink on my knees in front of your tomb.

_Better to die, and sleep  
__The never-waking sleep,  
__Than linger on  
__And dare to live  
__When the soul's life is gone.  
_(Sophocles)

I can't take it anymore. Three weeks of living hell. I do not want to live without you anymore – I cannot. I only ever wanted to be with you, was that too much to ask? Was it too much to hope for a happy end for our love? Perhaps we were doomed from the start. Star-crossed lovers.

_Let me be so dead and gone  
So far away from life  
Close my eyes  
Hold me tight  
And bury me deep inside your heart  
All I ever wanted was you, my love  
You're all I ever wanted is you, my love  
You're all I ever wanted, just you  
_(HIM – Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart)

In death we will be together, at last. No one will be able to tear you from me again. No more pain, no more suffering, no more grief. Slowly I place a single, dark crimson rose upon your tomb and stroke the cold surface with my fingers.

It is so cold… and you were so warm. But soon I will be with you, soon we will be reunited.

_I will stay with thee;  
And never from this palace of dim night  
Depart again: here, here will I remain  
_(Shakespeare – Romeo and Juliet)

Without hesitation I open the small flask I had brought with me and drink the potion. It is a painless, swift poison – and there is no antidote.

Soon I can feel the numbness spreading through my limbs and I rest my head upon your grave. My last thought is of you.

I die with your name upon my lips.

_In joy and sorrow my home's in your arms  
In world so hollow  
It is breaking my heart  
In joy and sorrow my home's in your arms  
In world so hollow  
It is breaking my heart  
_(HIM – In Joy and Sorrow)

THE END.


End file.
